Close Encounters of the Kardashian Kind

Everyone has a first time story. First kiss, first time behind the wheel, and of course, the first time. Well, Kim Kardashian was the first celeb I ever Axe’d. Yep, I lost my virginity to Miss Kim K herself. And like most first times, it was a little awkward for the most part. Particularly on my end, of course, as I was the rookie in this scenario.

I have to admit, for a first time, I wasn’t overly nervous – I think it is primarily because I had never been a passenger on the Kardashian choo-choo train. To be honest, I thought they all seemed a little tranny-esq with their caked on make-up. And I am apparently not the only one who initially thought this. So, when my boyfriend included Kim K on his "list" - you know, the ones you are allowed to sleep with and don't think it couldn't happen (still, keep in mind Matt Damon married a Miami waitress) - I both laughed and breathed a sigh of relief.

Me: Really?
BF: Yeah, she is really hot and curvy
Me: You don’t think she looks like she just finished up her shift at a drag club?
BF: When’s the next shift?

He was there with me that night , but had to stay (I guess, conveniently for "the list's" sake) behind the ropes that blocked Kim's cabana after prepping me for my interview debut...which went something like this:

BF: Make sure to ask her if she and Reggie are planning on popping one out soon
Me: I can't ask that, it's so personal!
BF: Yes you can, it's your job -- and you think she hasn't be asked these things a million times? Me: They aren't even engaged yet!
BF [blank stare]: Who do you think you are interviewing, Donna Martin circa 1991? (note: 90210 references are the best way to make me understand)

After being rushed through the crowd of more legit cameras, I finally square up to Kim with Axe in hand. And similarly to when you are trying mask flopping boobs when doing the deed, I attempted to mask what I thought was my greatest flaw: the Axe logo on my flip cam. All the while, also trying to hide the fact I have no idea what I am doing and somehow forgot how to work a flip cam - I was completely zoomed in on her chest (for those who don’t have a flip cam, one button does practically everything – get it together, Liz).

Still, like a dream boyfriend who just said I love you after the prom (and not just to get me into bed), Kim coaxed me through it and didn’t bat one of her Mascara-caked eyes in judgment - even when she caught a glimpse of the large black and white logo itself: She. Saw. It. All.

And speaking of flaws, I will be the first to openly admit when I am wrong: the woman has none. I stand corrected -- she is drop dead gorgeous. So much so, I was even taken aback a little when I first saw her – “wow, you are hot and curvy!” I thought in my head…quickly followed by, “oh shit…how do I work a flip again?"

BF managed to snap a pic of me in action - which I quickly noticed by my body language (hands on chest) that I was in fact incredibly nervous. Likely due to a combo of me trying to convince myself to "drop the axe" so to speak on Kim with the preggers questions (which I did....sort of) and realizing, wow -- I do kind of want to "keep up" with these girls now.

So even though they always say don’t tape your first time…my line of work left me no choice. Try not to judge.